There is was again, that voice in your head that won’t go away, the sinking feeling in your stomach that pulls you down like quicksand. Her fever spiked. It looks like a bad cold but is it? It feels like something more.

 

“Doctor, this seems different to me, if that makes any sense. Are you sure it’s nothing? Please, keep looking I think it’s something else.”

 

I watched Grey’s Anatomy this evening. The episode showed a mother determined to convince the doctors that her voice, her sinking feeling had to be right. Something was wrong with her child and they were missing it. I watched the moment when they treated her like she was overtired and delusional. In that one moment of watching the drama unfold on screen, I remembered….

 

I’ve been that mother, the one hell bent on having someone listen. When my daughter came into this world, she came from the result of my instincts. There was nothing out of the ordinary that day. I was not in labour and I was no where a near my due date. I woke up and it was a normal day – all except for that voice, that feeling, that knowing that beyond any logic things weren’t okay. She wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t follow my instincts.

 

Several months after she was born, I had another go around with the doctors. I was convinced something was wrong with my daughter. She would breast feed but when the hospital tried to bottle feed her; she would cough, gag, and choke. The hospital ignored me and called the pastor to come talk to this delusional mother who was driving everyone crazy. Later we found out she was aspirating into her lungs.

 

A few years later, her fever kept spiking. She had a rash and swelling. I was told it was Fifth disease, a common routine childhood illness. My instincts told me it was a reaction to her medications. After being turned away several times from the emergency ward as that delusional mother, I loaded my daughter into the car and drove 5 hours to a different hospital. Motherly instincts were right again, she was having an allergic reaction. It was so bad she had pancreatitis.

 

Instincts are a powerful thing if we listen to them. They can guide us in the directions we should take. If we ignore them, we stumble and sometimes the recovery is long and painful. The old saying “mother knows best” isn’t just to annoy us when our mother is right all the time. It’s a reminder that mother’s have connections to their child that can’t be explained. Instincts are something we should never doubt or ignore because more often than not, they’re bang on. I like to think of them as angels showing you the way.

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(Wheel-ist-ic) Adj: awareness or acceptance of actual fact, real existence, or truth with relation to inclusion, accessibility and/or persons with disabilities.

Let’s Be Wheelisitic is a blog designed to open communication, share and create change through parenting, awareness, inclusion and advocacy. Over the years people have encouraged me to use my voice and experiences with my daughter to help others with or without disabilities, or parents of children with disabilities. This blog is my way of doing just that. I hope you will find this site enjoyable, educational, helpful, and rewarding.
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“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — E. M. Forster

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